As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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