Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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