White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
