Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
