His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
