and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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