She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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