so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
