She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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