I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
