I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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