So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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