The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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