Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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