Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I deserve this hangover.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
