she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
