My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
