im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
