just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
