I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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