5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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