i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
