I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As shirtless as possible
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
