you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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