He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
