i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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