WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
