having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have aggressive nipples.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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