When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I fill condoms, not promises.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
