This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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