I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
