My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize