Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
