Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
