No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
