sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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