i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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