he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
