i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
