Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I didn't notice because vodka
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
