Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
