Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
