I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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