Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
