plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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