Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i jhust puked up my retainher.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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