I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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