Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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