I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
