so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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