How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
