I cut my penus on the lid.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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