my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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