just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize