I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
