4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
