This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
