maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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