I wanna bring you to show and tell
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
