Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
