Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
