Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
