Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
