Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
