I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I would fuck him just for his dog
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
