the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
