If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
