he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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