At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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