The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
