We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
