I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize