Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
