you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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