I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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