hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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