it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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