I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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