when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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