I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
my penis made a compromise with my morals
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
