My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My cat gives me a boner
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
