conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
