So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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