did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
