So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
