We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
