i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
