Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
