she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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