i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
