Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
