oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize