I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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