i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And then my night got REAL pukey
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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