Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
