Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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