soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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