The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My penis needs a shock collar
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
