Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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