Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You took a bar mat shot.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
