just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize