I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
