Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
