Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
