my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
